Dreaming eyes wide open
I never thought someone would love me so much, or that I could love another man as much as I love him. I thought my heart had turned to stone: a useless lump in my chest, totally unable to allow someone else in. I was terrified, that yet another asshole would put up a great facade and worm their way into my life, only to prove down the road that nothing was different from before. That yet again, my love would be returned with words laced with thorns when we were alone, while coated with honey in front of anyone that might think ill of it. That my reality would again become the living nightmare I’ve almost died trying to escape before. Would I, could I live through it all again? So I did something I never thought I’d do again: took a risk. I jumped in with both feet, wholeheartedly, with nothing but a hope that my love would be strong enough to save me this time. Did I win this fight with fate?
No, I don’t expect perfection, I just expect to be loved for who I am, how I am. I wanted to know that even if another woman tempted him with a better experience for one night, or even a better life that I’d be the choice made. I wanted to know that for once, everything I give and do…is good enough, that I’M enough, for once. What did I get myself into this time?
Well, I got everything I could have ever hoped for and more. Yes, we have bad days, and most of the time we’re broke. I’m in too much pain most days to be the wife he truly deserves, yet he does his best to understand and accept that. Instead of him complaining because I don’t feel up to this or that, he cuddles up on the couch to watch tv with me. He constantly strives to tell me how beautiful I am, even on the worst days when getting dressed and fixing my hair haven’t made it to the “to-do list” that day.
Every day is better than the last, and sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure that I’m not going to wake from this dream and find myself in a prior hell. Because you see, I found my “Prince Charming”. I had to kiss a few frogs to get here, but I’m here. My Prince doesn’t have the white horse and the big castle all little girls wish for, but instead wears a hatchetman and a snake and bat charm. He’s judged wrongly by people on the outside looking in sometimes, but when I lay my head on his chest at night and he wraps his arms around me and sighs, I know how wrong they are. Though he may not be what the world deems “perfect”, he’s perfect for me. And thanks to him, every day, I’m dreaming with my eyes wide open. :)
